65 Funny Quotes About Money

Tammy Lamoureux from lamourfoto.com

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Show Me The Funny Money

When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is. - Oscar Wilde

Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die. - Max Asnas

Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort. - Helen Gurley Brown

Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. - George Burns

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. - Woody Allen

Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you’ll be surprised at how little you have. - Ernest Haskins

The Lack Of Money Mark Twain

Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the ‘gotta have it’ scale. - Zig Ziglar

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work. - Robert Orben

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 73 of them. - Unknown

If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars. - J. Paul Getty

I’ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working. - Unknown

Michael Scott Mo' Money

Money talks. Mine is always saying ‘Spend me!’ - Tom Wilson

Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back. - Unknown

You say love is more important than money. Have you ever tried paying your bills with a hug? - Unknown

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy. - Spike Milligan

I cannot afford to waste my time making money. - Louis Agassiz

Nothing saves money like being antisocial! - Unknown

Money is the best deodorant. - Elizabeth Taylor

Las Vegas is the only place I know where money really talks–it says, ‘Goodbye.’ - Frank SInatra

Dear Millionaires, if you don’t even have a bookshelf that spins into another room, give me your money because you’re spending it wrong. - Unknown

Mo' money Notorious B.I.G.

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore. - Yogi Berra

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. - Frank Hubbard

There are three faithful friends – an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. - Benjamin Franklin

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from imagination. - Oscar Wilde

I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life… If I die next Tuesday. - Unknown

Money doesn’t talk, it swears obscenity. - Bob Dylan

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money. - Jackie Mason

I am having an out of money experience. - Unknown

Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. - Bill Vaughan

I wish my wallet was as fat as I am. - Unknown

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it. - Bob Hope

Broke Rachel From Friends

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. - Jackie Mason

Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence. - Max Amsterdam

A full purse is not as good as an empty one is bad. - Yiddish Proverb

Rule No. 1: Never lose money.
Rule No. 2: Never forget rule No. 1.- Warren Buffet

Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells. - J. Paul Getty

Broke people giving financial advice is like a shop teacher with missing fingers. - Dave Ramsey

When I had money everyone called me brother. - Polish proverb

Girls just wanna have funds. - Unknown

Money won is twice as sweet as money earned. - Paul Newman

The only thing that can console one for being poor is extravagance. - Oscar Wilde

Money enhances a man, yes, as beauty enhances a woman. - Leona Helmsley

I like my money right where I can see it… hanging in my closet. - Sarah Jessica Parker, Sex and the City

Money is just the poor man’s credit card. - Marshall McLuhan

When I have money, I get rid of it quickly, lest it find a way into my heart. - John Wesley

Breakfast At Tiffany's

No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before marrying a millionaire, to fall in love with him first. - Cesare Pavese

Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? No Pockets. - Jerry Seinfeld

Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have. - Will Rogers

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. - Earl Wilson

Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it. - William Somerset Maugham

Money doesn’t make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too. - Steve Martin

Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’? - Jay Leno

I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention. - Ron Kittle

Well, there’s one thing to be said for money. It can make you rich. - Tom Robbins

Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you. - George Carlin

Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it. - Rebecca Johnson

I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. - Fran Lebowitz

All sins are forgiven once you start making a lot of money. - Ru Paul

Riches are for spending. - Francis Bacon

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