Curated Quotes

The 37 Funniest Quotes About Relationships

Tammy Lamoureux from

When you are in a relationship- being, you know, THAT intimate with another person- you share a whole lot of hilarious moments.

Whether you are looking for a funny quote about sharing your space with a significant other or the perfect not-too-serious rant about boyfriend or girlfriend, we’ve got you covered.

Related Quotes: The Funniest Love Quotes

You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip. Jonathan Carroll

Being in a relationship is precisely as undesirable as being single. Unknown

Relationship Advice

Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge. Ronny Shakes

Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill, but not doing it because you’d miss them. Unknown

Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time. Maya Angelou

The key to a successful relationship is to clear your internet history. Unknown

There should be a relationship status called, ‘currently creeping’. Unknown

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies. Woody Allen

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.Richard Jeni

Love is what we call the situation which occurs when two people who are sexually compatible discover that they can also tolerate one another in various other circumstances. Marc Maihueird

More In Love Everyday

The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders. Linda Festa

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. Mark Twain

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas. Dave Attell

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with? Rita Rudner

I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and the kissing and the hugging under the cozy covers. Mmmm! But sometimes I worry that I don’t wanna get married as much as I want to get dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough. That might feel pretty good, too. Maria Bamford

Women Are Made To Love

Sometimes I look at my boyfriend and think, ‘Damn, he’s one lucky man.’ Unknown

The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prisons they let you play softball on the weekends. Bobby Kelton

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. Chris Rock

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. Emo Philips

Love And Farts

My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met. Rodney Dangerfield

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day—and another, in case it doesn’t rain. Mae West

I want a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire? Zsa Zsa Gabor

You meet someone and you’re sure you were lovers in a past life. After two weeks with them, you realize why you haven’t kept in touch for the last two thousand years. Al Cleathen

It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party. Nick Hornby

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life. Oscar Wilde

When I want to end a relationship I just say, ‘You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.’ Sometimes they leave skid marks. Rita Rudner

Relationships Like Eggs

My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays. Unknown

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. Sharon Stone

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. Cindy Gardner

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means. Henny Youngman

It’s better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week. Laurence J. Peter

Yeah, relationships are pretty cool, but have you ever heard of pizza? Unknown

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