Curated Quotes

65 Funny Quotes About Money

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Show Me The Funny Money

When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is. Oscar Wilde

Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die. Max Asnas

Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort. Helen Gurley Brown

Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. George Burns

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Woody Allen

Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you’ll be surprised at how little you have. Ernest Haskins

The Lack Of Money Mark Twain

Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the ‘gotta have it’ scale. Zig Ziglar

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work. Robert Orben

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 73 of them. Unknown

If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars. J. Paul Getty

I’ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working. Unknown

Michael Scott Mo' Money

Money talks. Mine is always saying ‘Spend me!’ Tom Wilson

Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back. Unknown

You say love is more important than money. Have you ever tried paying your bills with a hug? Unknown

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy. Spike Milligan

I cannot afford to waste my time making money. Louis Agassiz

Nothing saves money like being antisocial! Unknown

Money is the best deodorant. Elizabeth Taylor

Las Vegas is the only place I know where money really talks–it says, ‘Goodbye.’ Frank SInatra

Dear Millionaires, if you don’t even have a bookshelf that spins into another room, give me your money because you’re spending it wrong. Unknown

Mo' money Notorious B.I.G.

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore. Yogi Berra

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. Frank Hubbard

There are three faithful friends – an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. Benjamin Franklin

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from imagination. Oscar Wilde

I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life… If I die next Tuesday. Unknown

Money doesn’t talk, it swears obscenity. Bob Dylan

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money. Jackie Mason

I am having an out of money experience. Unknown

Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. Bill Vaughan

I wish my wallet was as fat as I am. Unknown

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it. Bob Hope

Broke Rachel From Friends

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. Jackie Mason

Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence. Max Amsterdam

A full purse is not as good as an empty one is bad. Yiddish Proverb

Rule No. 1: Never lose money.
Rule No. 2: Never forget rule No. 1. Warren Buffet

Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells. J. Paul Getty

Broke people giving financial advice is like a shop teacher with missing fingers. Dave Ramsey

When I had money everyone called me brother. Polish proverb

Girls just wanna have funds. Unknown

Money won is twice as sweet as money earned. Paul Newman

The only thing that can console one for being poor is extravagance. Oscar Wilde

Money enhances a man, yes, as beauty enhances a woman. Leona Helmsley

I like my money right where I can see it… hanging in my closet. Sarah Jessica Parker, Sex and the City

Money is just the poor man’s credit card. Marshall McLuhan

When I have money, I get rid of it quickly, lest it find a way into my heart. John Wesley

Breakfast At Tiffany's

No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before marrying a millionaire, to fall in love with him first. Cesare Pavese

Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? No Pockets. Jerry Seinfeld

Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have. Will Rogers

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Earl Wilson

Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it. William Somerset Maugham

Money doesn’t make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million. Arnold Schwarzenegger

I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too. Steve Martin

Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’? Jay Leno

I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention. Ron Kittle

Well, there’s one thing to be said for money. It can make you rich. Tom Robbins

Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you. George Carlin

Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it. Rebecca Johnson

I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. Fran Lebowitz

All sins are forgiven once you start making a lot of money. Ru Paul

Riches are for spending. Francis Bacon

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