Ah, retirement! The time when one gets to finally hang their hat, kick back, and enjoy the fruits of their labor. For some, it means moving to Florida to play too much golf or finally traveling the world. For others? Naps. So many naps.
Whether you or somebody you know is retiring, here is a list of quotes that are sure to make you chuckle!
Related Quotes: The Best Quotes About Aging
“Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. - Jonathan Clements
“The goal of retirement is to live off your assets-not on them. - Frank Eberhart
“The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. - Unknown
“I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day. - Gene Perret
“Retirement: That’s when you return from work one day and say, “Hi, Honey, I”m home – forever.” - Gene Perret
“You know it’s time to retire when the guys ask you if you’re “getting any," you think it means sleep. - Greg Tamblyn
“You gain two new best friends upon your retirement. Their names are Bed and Couch. You will be hanging out with them a lot. - Unknown
“Retirement is that marvelous time of life when the sun rises and you don’t. - Unknown
“It’s a good, quiet retirement. Most days I do nothing, but it takes me all day to do it. - Barry Wilkin
“Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it. - Gene Perret
“He had an answer to almost everything and he retired at an early age. - Dejan Stojanovic
“There’s one thing I always wanted to do before I quit…retire! - Groucho Marx
“The down side about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own time. - Unknown
“Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did. - Malcolm Forbes
“Retired people compliment my teeth, then tell me to take care of them. This always makes me think they are trying to steal them. - Emily Claire Tamblyn
“Retired: You were tired yesterday and you’re tired again today. - Unknown
“According to your latest figures, if you retired today, you could live very, very comfortably until 2 p.m. tomorrow. - Dave Erhard
“When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez
“Retirement: No Job, No Stress, No Pay! - Unknown
“Retirement is like a never-ending weekend party except that you can’t drink, can’t pick up girls and can’t stay up all night even if you want to. - Unknown
“Retirement has cured many businessman’s ulcers — and given his wife one! - Unknown
“It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man. - Scott Elledge
“Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at the appropriate time. - Malcolm Muggeridge
“A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job. - Ella Harris
“Retirement is the only thing that will make you realize how you wasted all these years trying to be mature when you can get back to being a child at the end of it all. - Unknown
“Retirement: When you quit working just before your heart does. - Unknown
“When some people retire, it’s going to be mighty hard to be able to tell the difference. - Virginia Graham
“There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want. - Bill Watterson
“The two most dangerous years of your life are the year you are born and the year you retire. - Liz Davidson
“Teacher’s Retirement Motto: I Used to Teach. Now I Have No Class. - Unknown
“Like life, retirement can be full of surprises. Take when you retire, for example. - Talbot Boggs
“Retirement is when the living is easy and the payments are hard. - Unknown
“There are days in retirement that are the waking equivalent of a dreamless sleep, if you know what I mean. - Robert Brault
“I’ve been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They’re called naps. - Merri Brownworth
“Academics never retire, they just lose their faculties. - Unknown
“I’m not just retiring from the company, I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule
“I retired early for health reasons — my company was sick of me and I was sick of them. - Unknown
“Retirement is your best chance to make your neighbors burn with jealousy. Just lie on the hammock every morning and read the newspaper when they step out to work. - Unknown
“Retirement life: seen it all, done it all – Can’t remember most of it! - Unknown
“Retirement is the ugliest word in the language. - Ernest Hemingway
“When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. - R C Sherriff
“When you retire, you switch bosses – from the one who hired you to the one who married you. - Gene Perret
“Doing the things you always wanted to do is not the real challenge of retirement. Remembering them is the real challenge. - Unknown
“People have often asked me, “What do you do now that you are retired?” My answer is “I am fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and margaritas into urine. - Unknown
“Ahhh Retirement: Fishing Yesterday, Fishing Today, Fishing Tomorrow! - Unknown
“What do gardeners do when they retire? - Bob Monkhouse
