Curated Quotes

The 68 Funniest Quotes About Work

Tammy Lamoureux from

If you have to go to work today, you might as well laugh about it.

Here are the most hilarious quotes about work we could find. Share your favorite and help make 5 o’clock come a little sooner.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. Drew Carey

All I ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work. Sergeant Bilko

Work Drinking Oscar Wilde

I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday. Unknown

No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early. Groucho Marx

Hey, I won’t be in today. I have Anal Glaucoma. I can’t see my ass coming into work. Unknown

I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy. Danny McGoorty

I am feeling a bit overworked and under intoxicated. Unknown

All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind. Aristotle

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. Charles Lamb

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. Robert Frost

If A equals success, then the formula is A= X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut. Albert Einstein

My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it. Abraham Lincoln

Work is the greatest thing in the world. So we should always save some of it for tomorrow. Don Herold

Work Is Too Long

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided. Mark Twain

A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. Unknown

People don’t think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home. Jerry Seinfield

I truly believe the wireless mouse was invented so people at work had one less thing to hang themselves with. Mike Vanatta

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. Unknown

The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat. Lilly Tomlin

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important. Bertrand Russell

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? Edgar Bergen

I don’t mind coming to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is just bullshit! Unknown

Right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train. Jim Halpert, The Office

Sometimes I can’t figure out if I am in preschool or high school. Oh, wait. I’m at work. Unknown

Funny Work Email

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he’s supposed to be doing at that moment. Robert Benchley

It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work. William Faulkner

Personally, I have nothing against work, particularly when performed, quietly and unobtrusively, by someone else. Barbara Ehrenreich

Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job. Unknown

If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. Homer Simpson

I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work. Stephen Colbert

Fuck Work

I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours. Jerome K. Jerome

Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished. Leslie Nielsen

After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that. Jerry Seinfield

I think my idea of retirement might be to one day work a 40-hour week. Vince McMahon

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you missed work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. Unknown

There’s not a single job in this town. There’s nothin’, nada, zip. Unless you wanna work forty hours a week. Jeff Daniels

Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy. Huey Long

I can’t work in an environment where I’m expected to do my job. Unknown

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas. Paula Poundstone

If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves. Unknown

Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could. Charles J. Sykes

The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play. Arnold Toynbee

Funny Coffee Job

I’m in desperate need of a 6 month vacation… twice a year. Unknown

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. Charlie McCarthy

Let us work without reasoning, it is the only way to make life endurable. Voltaire

They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money except by working for it. Joseph Addison

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. Robert Frost

Your salary is like a period – you wait for it a whole month and then it ends in a week. Unknown

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti

Warning: To avoid injury, don’t tell me how to do my job. Unknown

Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. C. Northcote Parkinson

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without. Unknown

It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all. James Thurber

Funny Paperwork

Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels. Unknown

Doing things that you are not supposed to do at work makes your vision, hearing and alertness much better. Unknown

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by. Douglas Adams

Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free… from your job. Unknown

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?? You do all of the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit. Unknown

“I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life: Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.” Homer Simpson

Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day. Ed Bernard

When work feels overwhelming, remember that you’re going to die. Unknown

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