Curated Quotes

The 39 Funniest Birthday Wishes

Tammy Lamoureux from

Whether you’re wishing someone a “Happy Birthday” on Facebook, or in one of those ol’ fashion cards I’ve heard so much about, this is a good opportunity for a chuckle.

Here are some of the most funny birthday wishes ever dished out, from old age jokes, to friendly jabs.

Make sure to explore the rest of our Birthday quotes and Wishes by following the links below.

Sorted Birthday Quotes: Funny40th50th60thAging QuotesHappy Birthday Wishes

With age comes wisdom. You’re now the wisest person I know. Happy birthday!Unknown

Two secrets on your birthday:

1. Forget the past, you can’t change it.

2. Forget the present, I didn’t get you one.Unknown


If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas. Happy birthday!Unknown

Happy birthday! You know you’re getting old when your candles cost more than your cake.Unknown

May your birthday be filled with joy… and wine.Unknown

Happy sweet sixteen or multiple thereof.Unknown

Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.Unknown

Today’s the anniversary of you being expelled from your mother’s uterus. Happy birthday!Unknown

Sorry you have to scroll so far down the menus on websites to choose your birth year. Happy birthday you old dog.Unknown

You may be over the hill, but at least you’re not buried under it… Happy birthday!Unknown

I don’t remember or care how old you are but let’s celebrate like you’re 21.Unknown

Happy birthday. You might want to check your birth certificate, I think it expired.Unknown


At least you’re not as old as you will be next year.Unknown

Out of all the birthday wishes you get today, I bet mine will be the wishiest.Unknown

However old you are is the new 30. Happy birthday!Unknown

Let’s drink as much on your birthday as your dad did when he found out your mom was pregnant with you.Unknown

Congratulations on not being remotely young enough to be picked for the Hunger Games.Unknown

May you live twice as long as Michael Jackson and be half as creepy.Unknown

May you live so long that no one wants to see you naked.Unknown

Happy birthday from your only friend other than alcohol.Unknown


Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.Unknown

I promise to celebrate your 29th birthday for as many as you can think you can get away with it.Unknown

I look forward to honoring your request for no gifts.Unknown

Happy birthday to someone who’s still a long way from being as old and useless as Congress.Unknown

The only way I’d love you more is if you were me.Unknown

You’re not nearly as fat or bald as I thought you’d be at this age.Unknown

I’m a bit too lazy to wish you a happy birthday on Facebook. Mind if I just “like” someone else’s post?Unknown

Looking 40 is great! if you’re 50…Unknown

Sorry you’re old enough that the sloppy, half-naked, passed out people in your Facebook feed are your friend’s babies instead of your friends.Unknown


When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you’ve already been doing since you were 15.Unknown

What goes up but never comes down? Your age.Unknown

Sorry I only wished you a happy birthday in person and not on your Facebook wall.Unknown

Let’s celebrate the first time you cried naked in someone else’s bed.Unknown

May you live long enough that you become an emotional and financial burden to your whole family.Unknown

Even if it was in haste, I’m glad your parents had unprotected sex around nine months prior to your birth date.Unknown

If your birthday party fell on the same night as another birthday party, I’d get the other one out of the way first.Unknown

I’m sorry that your January birthday means you were probably conceived on April Fool’s Day.Unknown

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