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The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.-Russell Baker

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I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.-Mark Twain

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Two great talkers will not travel far together.-Spanish Proverb

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Bizarre travel plans are dancing lessons from God.-Kurt Vonnegut

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A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.-

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Thanks to the interstate highway system, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.-Charles Kuralt

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When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.-Susan Heller

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The first condition of understanding a foreign country is to smell it.-Rudyard Kipling

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Too often travel, instead of broadening the mind, merely lengthens the conversations.-Elizabeth Drew

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People don’t take trips. . .trips take people.-John Steinbeck

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Our happiest moments as tourists always seem to come when we stumble upon one thing while in pursuit of something else.-Lawrence Block

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Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane.-Jim Gaffigan

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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.-George Carlin

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Travel becomes a strategy for accumulating photographs.-Susan Sontag

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Adventure, yeah. I guess that’s what you call it when everybody comes back alive.-Mercedes Lackey

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If you are going through hell, keep going.-Winston Churchill

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There’s only four ways to get unraveled; One is to sleep and the other is travel.-Jim Morrison

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A good holiday is one that is spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours.-J.B. Priestley

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Airline travel is hours of boredom interrupted by moments of stark terror.-Al Boliska

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[Airline food] is the tiniest food I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Any kind of meat that you get — chicken, steak, anything — has grill marks on each side, like somehow we’ll actually believe there’s an open-flame grill in the front of the plane.-Ellen de Generes

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You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars.-Charles Kuralt

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Airplane travel is nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo.-Al Gore

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Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.-Steve Martin

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Travel is only glamorous in retrospect.-Paul Theroux

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People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of people they ignore at home.-Dagobert D. Runes

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What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?-George Carlin

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You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.-Paul Theroux

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Travel’ is the name of a modern disease which became rampant in the mid-fifties and is still spreading. The disease – its scientific name is travelitis furiosus – is carried by a germ called prosperity.-George Mikes

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When you travel, remember that a foreign country is not designed to make you comfortable. It is designed to make its own people comfortable.-Clifton Fadiman

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Travelling is like flirting with life. It’s like saying, ‘I would stay and love you, but I have to go; this is my station.-Lisa St. Aubin de Teran

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Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and celebrate the journey.-Fitzhugh Mullan

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A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.-Emile Ganest

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When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they’re like, ‘What do I do … I don’t really … ha-huh …’ Yeah, it’s the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!-Dane Cook

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There is nothing safer than flying – it’s crashing that is dangerous.-Theo Cowan

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Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.-Truman Capote

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It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, ‘As pretty as an airport.-Douglas Adams

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If you’ve seen one redwood tree, you’ve seen them all.-Ronald Reagan

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You want to know what it’s like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don’t stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over.-Lewis Black

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My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I’m thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport.-Dennis Miller

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Don’t worry about the world ending today, it’s already tomorrow in Australia.-Charles M. Schulz